She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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