God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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