I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
