Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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