Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
