Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
