we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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