What did we do last night that was yellow?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
