It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
