if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
