I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
