Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
