he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
