my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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