I faked an abortion last night.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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