Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize