I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize