this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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