girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
