Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
