I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I love you. Go after that dick
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