we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
