your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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