Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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