i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
