i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
