mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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