why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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