listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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