I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize