it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i dont even know how to be here
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
