I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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