i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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