hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
