Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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