I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
