I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I am mentally ready for anal.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
