I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
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