is your mom at the bar?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
