I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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