i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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