Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Watching her eat just hurts me
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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