I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
