you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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