NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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