I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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