have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Damn victory sex feels great
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
