Barsexuality is the new black.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Randomize
