By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
