somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize