I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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