Will you blow on my dice?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
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