he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
it hurts more in the daytime
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
