i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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