i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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