so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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