Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Randomize
