Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
