Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
