But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
too bad you live with your parents still
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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