So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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