i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
