i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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