I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
