I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
