The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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