I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
