he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
