i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
