Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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