I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
