Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
