Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize