Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
