So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
