Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
