trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
the room spins SO much faster in panama
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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