so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
