i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
