Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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