yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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