Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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